SALAD & CANDY

Barf or food?

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:49:19 -0500

I enjoy acknowledging special occasions and successes, recognizing my own accomplishments

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:48:10 -0500

This photograph commemorates the only time I’ve been to Lucky King Bakery and not gorged on mystery fried pastries stuffed with fish guts! (Note healthy orange juice)

"It was like beginning life anew without the vigor and enthusiasm of youth, like learning to become left-handed in old age."

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:22:14 -0500

In college, there was a positive correlation between my unhappiness and my visits to Molly at Brown. Sometimes I spent whole weeks there, driving back to Bard for a single seminar, only to return to Providence three hours later. Working in a university library that is not your own has its advantages (no friends to bother you, the excitement of a foreign place), but also some disadvantages (no friends to bother you, the feeling that you really shouldn’t take your shoes off there).

Surely though, the greatest offering of Brown’s library was the African fertility goddess in the stairwell, which was accompanied by an informational placard, linking the high rate of twins in West Africa to a yam-centric diet. Rich in fact but poor in justification, there was something self-possessed about the statue. What was it doing there? Nobody seemed to know, and I never found out.

Remembering this enigma, I bought a yam at the bodega the other day, but I didn’t get around to eating it. The yam sat forlornly next to an onion, the two apparently competing in some contest of entropy, both decomposing with alarming speed. I tossed the onion, but I kept the yam.

There was only one thing I could do with it: Carve a fertility goddess! Though “getting pregnant” is second only to “accidentally killing someone” on my List of Things I Really Don’t Want To Do Anytime Soon or Maybe Ever, I set to work with tunnel-visioned focus. Whittling feminine curves with a steak knife is tricky, and the end result was unintentionally primitive, if not downright offensive. We have chosen to omit the photo documentation.

Sunday eggwich

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:40:50 -0500

Ugh, this is almost sexual.

A cute alternative to the classic pig-in-a-blanket: CHICKEN IN A...

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 01:39:21 -0500

A cute alternative to the classic pig-in-a-blanket: CHICKEN IN A SLEEPING BAG!

Update

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 11:45:26 -0500

Zak gave the pear to his friend Joe.

On why we food blog

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:02:10 -0500

Sometimes, critical thinking (and joke cracking!) just needs a formal conceit. Food is a good choice, since taste - as far as the five senses go - is most closely linked to survival: you can be blind, but you must eat. At least there’s a pretense of practicality.

Though the same could be said for literary, musical, and artistic preferences, it seems particularly pointless to argue with someone over their food predilections. I just like it, OK?

Books, music, and art - since their existence is supersustenance - demand more complex arguments, and thus a greater anxiety/reward quotient. For the sake of Tumblrn’ it’s best to stick to an occasion that isn’t too overbearing. Fashion can also work in this way, though it rarely does. And plus, the only thing more embarrassing than a food blog is a fashion blog.

Photo

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:15:43 -0500

The cultural logic of late capitalism

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:41:09 -0500

Re: boys not eating fruit

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:44:11 -0500

Like Peli, Zak does not eat fruit. He went grocery shopping last week, and - along with all the other food - brought home a single pear. This same pear is still uneaten, though it is well-traveled. It has gone to and from work with him twice, and it’s in a different room each time I come home. It’s often positioned near a relic of productivity: his laptop, his book, his taxes. I can see the effort, but it’s only a matter of days now until it rots.

Sushi Thoughts, Wasabi Dreams

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:29:18 -0500

Susanna Vagt delivers a word-and-text sermon on the mystical charm of segmented rolls filled with things. Love!

Reader Submission: Cindy's Freezer

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:33:00 -0500

At first, we thought Cindy was yanking our chain. Seven cartons of Cherry Garcia?! We suspected a deli-shot. But no! Upon further inspection, this was clearly a domestic freezer packed right.

“What’s up, Alice?” “Oh hey Molly. Whatcha up to on this Saturday...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:37:25 -0500

“What’s up, Alice?”

“Oh hey Molly. Whatcha up to on this Saturday night?”

“Oh, just making instant pudding in a Pyrex because I’m too lazy to wash a bowl.”

“Cool. What’s all that crap on top?”

“Walnut shards that I tried to arrange in a peace sign.”

“Cool! So, I guess you’re busy tonight?”

“You could say that.”

“Awesome. Call me tomorrow and give me a *full report*!”

"Such a sad case with his little wrap and a few gherkins in a ketchup cup. I know. Cornichons. I was going to say cornichons but I bailed. I got nervous."

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 11:25:00 -0500

He wanted to break into television. He watched a lot of reality shows, he informed me, especially the ones about breaking into television. He believed he had a handle on the business, the lingo. All he needed was leg up. He already had the idea: his extravaganza would revolve around the last meals of condemned prisoners. - Sam Lipsyte, The Ask

Buy and read this book when it comes out on March 2nd. If you can’t wait four days, allow us to direct you towards our new favorite Wikipedia page, as recommended by reader Gabby.

Appetite For Deconstruction

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:26:15 -0500

What should literary critics eat? It is an important question. Please refer to this comprehensive guide, and dine according to your loyalties.

•American pragmatism: Burgers, medium-rare

•Cultural studies: Eat whatever you want, but think about it a lot

•Deconstruction: Fusion cuisine

•Gender studies: Sausage and a smoothie

•Marxism: Boiled cabbage

•New Criticism: Don’t think, just eat

•New Historicism: Quinoa hardtack with pork belly gravy

•Post-colonialism: McDonald’s

•Psychoanalysis: Oysters, raw

•Phenomenology and Hermeneutics: Several cigarettes and one áperitif

•Queer Theory: Vegan muffin

•Reader Response: Shabu-shabu

•Semiotics: Elaborate salad of many constituent vegetables

•Russian Formalism: Slice of black bread with the crusts cut off

•Postmodernism: Dippin’ Dots

•Eco-criticism: WHO CARES!

Peli: “I haven’t had a fruit in, what, 2 years probably. I have a fridge full of carrots...

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 11:53:30 -0500

Peli:

“I haven’t had a fruit in, what, 2 years probably. I have a fridge full of carrots and whenever I feel unhealthy I eat a carrot.”

Fake-caramelizing* loads of onions for the upcoming week is the...

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 11:52:24 -0500

Fake-caramelizing* loads of onions for the upcoming week is the most adult/most obnoxious/best thing you’ll ever do.

*Boil and then add balsamic at the end

Neo-this and neo-that

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 09:49:48 -0500

Gordon Matta-Clark, avant-gardist, sent as his 1969 Christmas card a photograph of a Christmas tree fried in grease.

NOTE

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:09:00 -0500

IT’S CALLED CAROTENOSIS AND SOME CULTURES CONSIDER IT BEAUTIFUL.

A safe, UV-free method of Snookification

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:27:17 -0500

This is really the best soup - and so easy!

Boil a whole bunch of chopped up carrots (about equivalent to a bag of baby carrots - you can use these instead if you’re feeling lazy/flush with cash), along with a coarsely chopped onion, using a carton of vegetable broth as the liquid.

Remove from heat once the carrots are soft.

Dump it all in the blender, whirl until smooth and add:

-Cinnamon

-Curry powder

-Garlic powder

-Chili powder

-Salt and pepper

-Sugar

You can use these carrot chips as a garnish too if you want. They definitely produce a satisfying snack-cud if you cram enough in your mouth at once.

A dangerously tasty soup, to be sure. You really need to watch the portion size though, lest you overdose on beta-carotene. This happened to Molly last winter when she was eating too much squash.